the zoomer stockholder club

1,000 CERTIFICATES.
FOUR TIERS. ZERO CHILL.

On-chain stock certificates for people who screenshot their portfolio at 3am. Mint proceeds lock into the treasury — every mint raises the floor under every holder. Releases unlock as real distribution milestones hit.

🔒 MINT NOT LIVE YET — RELEASES TEASED BELOW
600 supply
📄

PAPERHAND

COMMON · wave 1

You sold the bottom and told no one. The entry certificate — proof you were here, panicking, from the start.

reward weight 1.0×
250 supply
💦

SWEATY

UNCOMMON · wave 2

Held through one full red candle without opening the sell tab. Barely. The certificate glows faintly, like your screen at 4am.

reward weight 1.5×
120 supply
💎

DIAMOND

RARE · wave 3

Diamond thumbs. Refreshed the terminal 4,000 times and never flinched. Animated certificate with a live payout counter.

reward weight 2.5×
30 supply
👑

CHAD

LEGENDARY · final wave

The 1-of-30 gold-plate certificate. Your name burned on-chain in the founders' ledger. Boomers will study you.

reward weight 5.0×

Mint waves · gated by real milestones

WAVE 1Paperhand × 200🔓 unlocks at first payout round
WAVE 2Paperhand × 400 + Sweaty × 125🔒 0.5 ETH distributed
WAVE 3Sweaty × 125 + Diamond × 120🔒 2 ETH distributed
WAVE 4CHAD × 30 auction🔒 5 ETH distributed
reading live treasury fees…

Why it isn't just a jpeg

Mint proceeds → treasury. Locked. Every mint is floor.
Reward weight multiplies your payout share in club drops.
Milestone-gated supply — no wave opens until holders have actually been paid.
Hold $ZOOMER to mint. Certificates are for stockholders, not tourists.
🔔 Follow @ZoomerRH for the mint call ↗ Hold $ZOOMER first